We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
