I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
