when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
