I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
