He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
