Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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