I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
