my mouth tastes like poor choices
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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