you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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