I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
