I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
