You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize