Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
