were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
