She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it's like heaven, but drunker
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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