If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I touched a dick in church today
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
