I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
