imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
