last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
