Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
