First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He passed out mid-signature
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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