Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
