i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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