kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
