I'm gonna have a badass scar
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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