It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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