DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
