so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
