If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
