Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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