Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
