If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
