Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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