my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
