Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My first STD was from a foam party
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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