Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
