fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
