Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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