just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
