He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
