i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
