I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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