I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
