i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
