Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
