Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
