I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
