I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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