I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
