the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my being single is dangerous.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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