Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
