4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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