I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
