i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
