I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
