you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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