its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
