He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
