YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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