soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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