Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
