sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
