I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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