pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
