Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
