69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
