my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
