Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
