I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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