I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
