never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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