I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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