Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I look better un-naked...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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