Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
