He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
