Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize