im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
