just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize