Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Randomize
