Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
