I hate all girls vehemently.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
