I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
