Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
this hospital has no fireball
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
