Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
